Web Log #1254

Web Log #1254

Hmmm who blogs anymore?
Is it too passe? (insert line in a right diagonal fashion above e "é")
Who cares about anyone's opinion anyway...

Well obviously by me writing this blog it means that i don't care about your opinion, but do you care about mine?

You obviously must, and how can i know this for sure you ask?
Well you just told me and 300 of your Facebook/Twitter friends:

-That you're doing your homework.
-That you and your boyfriend are madly in love.
- That as much as you love your boyfriend, you do get in fights, and choose to subliminally use song lyrics to express yourself.
-That you know the lyrics very well to newly released songs.
-That you and your boyfriend/friends don't know how to text, so instead you tweet each other, so the rest of the world could know about how fun your lives are.

(I bolded/italicized the ones i love (hate*) the most, mainly because italicizing letters is mental)

Look some of this is fine, especially if you've somehow put a witty spin to it, but if the bulk of your social networking is to socialize about nonsense then please consider that you have horrible social (networking) skills. (http://www.wikihow.com/Improve-Social-Skills)

So if your answer to my previous question was, "No Joseph, I will not take off my clothes". Then you obviously misread the question, let me re-state it.

Do you care about other peoples' opinion? (WOOOO!! ITALICIZATIONNNN)

So if you're answering "no" to this, yet you fit under the category of people mentioned above then you obviously *haven't understood* (or) *have misunderstood* (whichever you prefer) the point of this rant.

Look in the end I don't care about your opinion, just as much as you don't care about mine, and if you've read this far thanks, i guess.
Basically the simplification of this rant is as follows.

Let x= Me not caring about your opinion.
Let y= You not caring about my opinion.
Let z= The general public agreeing with me.

X>Y<Z (x is greater than y which is less than z).

so basically (Y)ou are the problem.

It's the Circle of Life

        

                For some, thoughts of the beginning of life is of a magical guy who just waved his wand and POOF humans were created, while others think it began in a massive orgy otherwise known as the BIG BANG, but I pay little attention to the birth of humanity, instead I focus on the birth of myself…Today I set a new benchmark in my life, 22 years of consuming oxygen, water, and cauliflower, aka my birthday. Children cannot comprehend the science behind birth so we tell them the story of the birds and the bees (you know when the birds have sex with the bees…) but you are all hopefully above 9 years old and already know about the whole birth process, so ill skip that. 

***fast-forward to present day

It’s sad to say but that is exactly how it has felt so far, life passes by too fast, it felt like just yesterday I peed in my bed and my mom had to come comfort me, telling me “All kids do it…” oh wait, it might have indeed been yesterday… my point is that time does indeed pass by fast and though we may all know that, we seem to lack appreciation of the present. The last two days were beautiful, and though I would usually sleep in until 12, I decided to wake up nice and early and soak up every second, I rode my bike, I went for a walk, I talked to myself in the mirror, I just enjoyed summer time. And thinking bigger than that, think about one day, when all of us will have families of our own and it’ll be tougher to have a whole day devoted to yourself or enjoying it with your friends. This period of our life will be the guidance we provide to our kids, our nephews, or our extraterrestrial friends, and hopefully you won’t be telling them of stories where you’d be playing on your computer all day, or how cool it was to watch your friend update their status on Facebook, or how cool it was to read your books all day and miss out on the fun yet so gosh darn irresponsible activities you’d watch others do.

                So fellow friends, family, and Asians, remember these years are the greatest years of our lives, and whether you choose to enjoy them with your friends, family, girlfriends, or Asians, be sure to enjoy them, because sooner or later this phase of our life will end and we’ll go on to the next stage and fully enjoy that, but for now enjoy today…

BBM vs. IPHONE

         Back in the day, when my black ancestors used to pick cotton and hunt lions AT THE SAME TIME, we did not have the luxuries we have today, toothbrushes, nail clippers, scrunchies, and of course the biggest technological advancement, the straw. And with all these great innovations we seem to always go back to the underlying question… The question that really makes World Leaders think at night, the question that made the Dos Equis Man commit suicide (not so great after all), Blackberry or Iphone?!?!?!?!

                I think as my friends, you should all know I am a prostitute, I have literally whored myself out to 5 phones in the last year, and with my new found knowledge of telephones I believe I will provide you with a well educated decision….so here we go…

                IN THE BLUE CORNER we have the Blackberry…

Now though I have only had my Blackberry for a month or so, I feel like I have really gotten to the core of Blackberry, I have devised a formula that within the rules of basic mathematics seems to make sense in the world of a blackberry…

BBM=Aphrodisiac

Don’t ask me how, but for some reason bbm get girls wet and guys hard (unless you’re over 68 and are having problems getting it up – www.cialis.com ) I think it’s those smileys that really get people going #bbmcantwatchface

Other than that there isn’t much to say really… I mean the app world is cool, but I feel like there’s another phone that has apps, but it’s not a world of apps, it’s more of a store…

                IN THE RED CORNER we have the Iphone

Now I don’t know bout you, but have you ever walked into an apple store and not got a hard on… oh you didn’t? Well neither did I… the technological advancements are huge for apple… lets just name a few cool things with the iphone.

-Multi-tasking

-Facetime

-Speed

-mental camera

- and great apps

And that is where the iphone kills the blackberry. Iphone has given the public access to the capability to be innovative and create your own apps, and with 6 billion people on this planet I have seen some pretty cool apps. For example there is an app called Ladida (http://khu.sh/index.php)  which just boggled my mind, it creates a beat according to the tone and flow of the lyrics you sing into the phone… check out the videos on the bottom for examples.

Innovation is key, and sorry Blackberry lovers, but apple raped you 4 times and you still didn’t realize your bum is bleeding…

AND IN THE SLIGHTLY BEIGE BUT MORE OF A YELLOW CORNER Android phones!…(all I'm saying is watch out cuz their coming to a theater near you...)

“The breakfast song” Written by Sandro Damiano (@SangeSeven) http://khu.sh/usersong_4ddbc521ab510

“Joseph Crivello” Written by Marco Tondino (@MarcusMarvelous) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zqxJmcxywMM

This has been life through Joe, and this blog has been Crivello approved ©

Under the Radar...

Hey anal beads (cuz that’s what you are to me, I stick you in and around my asshole and you really get you to smell the stench of a great minds asshole- im sorry, I was really excited to blog today) The time passed by slow today, I missed the virtual world. Quite a funny story I have for you today, a TRUE one it was, and I shall tell you about it.

                As the sun lurked in from beyond a cloud, I felt the heat of a thousand angels upon my skin, with my fresh new vision (I got new contact lenses – fun fact) I saw the air, that’s right I literally saw the air, it might have been the LSD kicking in, but I did. And as I walked along the long and winding road (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-cUaO1P2mfo) I ran into an anonymous human who I will not name, but for the sake of the story I will call it (I say IT because I don’t want to disclose the gender) HUMAN. It is unfortunate, but when you see someone, out of the kindness of your heart, you MUST make small talk, and as we spoke, IT spoke of my blog and how they found it funny, and gave me positive reviews. And as HUMAN walked away, I thought to myself, thoughts of a new blog post…

                What is it with under the radar social networking… Is it not a little weird? And what I mean by this is people knowing my information over the internet, but taking it in and not commenting or really notifying me of their presence into my life. I will admit that when I go on facebook I do look at my news feed, and I too run into information that may, or may not be useless, such as:

1)      OMG pictures of my baby, yayyyy!

2)      Jane just checked into The Vagina Inn

3)      Kyle wants to know if anyone is selling a book for Accounting…

Now im not saying you’re all losers for going on facebook and writing this, but all im saying is that beware, because people look at your facebook and though most know what to put, and what not to put on facebook, we still end up with a few who literally bring the facebook community into their lives, and that can be a little weird…

This is why I no longer really use facebook, i feel like other then watering my virtual plants, and managing my virtual restaurant, it really has no use...  instead I abuse of Twitter ;) and this will be my plug for them (hopefully I can get a nice endorsement contract of $2 million for doing this) but you should all check it out, instead of bringing people into my life with pictures and factual events, I bring them into my thought process, in 140 characters or less…check me out on twitter @joecriv

This has been life through Joe, and this blog has been Crivello approved ©

Nike, Do You

           Just last week I finished my research paper concerning endorsements and its correlation with sports, but you motherfuckers don’t get the privilege for me to waste another 4 week’s worth of  mental energy (more like 2 days of non-stop work, but hey I already blogged about procrastination)…

 I was just watching TV and wanted to hang myself, not because I’m feeling suicidal, but because it feels like every time I start to get interested in a television show I get the ultimate TV-block (kind of like a cock-block) and a god damn commercial comes on… Now look, I get that television channels gotta get some of that YMCMB (Young.Money.Cash.Money.Bosnia – which is no longer affiliated with Montenegro), but I can’t stand commercials, and for those of you who can’t relate to me I have something sad to teach you about yourself… YOU’RE AN IDIOT… because as I watch TV I usually (I do occasionally become an idiot like you too) pay attention to each commercial and I see how gay it is. Listen, just because I see Lionel Messi and David Villa, running around with the newest pairs of Nike’s and they are literally going the speed of light (which is impossible for you dumbasses out there, yea I’m talking to you… no don’t go on reading and think this isn’t you…ITS YOU!) it does not mean I will absolutely buy them, Take the information with a grain of salt –or paprika.

Thankfully for large companies out there, we are dumb and don’t think for ourselves, we make big corporations, celebrities, politicians, and some of us even make friends make the decisions for us, but we have to adapt a confidence in ourselves at all times, not even I’m perfect, we all have our slip ups, but in the end, do you…

I’m sorry that last paragraph seemed a little too serious, maybe this’ll help…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rhBe_c54Dpg

Later gator