Sing along with me...

I love this time of year… the beautiful weather, the beautiful women (and don’t forget the mediocre women for those alcohol filled nights), and of course no school. Nothing better than kicking back in your Toyota Yaris that your grandmother lent you because your mazda-mx3 was a piece of shit and blew up on your ass (hypothetical situation), and when your cruising down Des Laurentides (Laval area), deciding which gas station to pump your gas at, you just have the radio on full blast, and the lyrics of those songs just hit you so deep… “If I said I want your body now, would you hold it against me” I mean Brittany got it spot on, how society just craves that warmth of another human next to them…. Or maybe she’s still a skank-a-zoid 5000 and is talking about giving a nice blowjob to some music producer…

Tough to distinguish the good music from the bad these days, it’s even more tough to distinguish who’s actually singing or who’s voice is being altered to sound like Beyonce + Celine Dion + Whitney Houston (Before the whole coke thing- coke will kill your career kids- and I’m not talking bout coca-cola, cuz that shit is delicious)… Music has gone a long way from Beethoven-The Beatles-Queen-Lady Gaga. Our generation is such a fast paced society that the majority of us have no time to listen to the words, so they flow to the beat. Perfect example… DJ PAULY D, this guy is just a regular DJ, though he may be tanned, juiced up like DelMonte, and have hair carrying 30 pounds of gel, moose, and animal seamen (its true), he is still a REGULAR DJ that feels that with his new popularity he should be taking advantage of all you horny little girls and make disgusting music, where he instructs me to beat up on a non-tangible item. 

In the end we cannot blame the musicians for taking advantage of us. Instead we have to blame ourselves for letting it happen… It’s as if a girl gets raped, and she is wondering why, but little does she know she’s waking around naked, with a sign on her back saying RAPE ME… (Kind of extreme I know, but I feel like music is raping my ears sometimes).  It’s come to the point where comedians are even mocking us, “The Lonely Island” is a perfect example, these guys are hilarious, but in the end its pretty sad that I’m in a club and I hear “I just had sex” come on…(even though I totally sing to it, and have air sex). 

I’m NOT telling you all what to listen to (The Beatles), but at least when you choose your music (Queen) try and at least think about what their saying (Kanye West) and understand the message their trying to send (U2) to the public.

Heres some links for you to check out!!!

(John Lajoie is hilarious) Radio Friendly song --- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A0Gs4xGw1Eg

(Fast forward to 0:50) --- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WgMLvPfAdYM&feature=related

Fuck it, I'll do you later

           I look at this blank document on Microsoft Word, I think of all the much cooler things I can be doing, like watch TV, play Xbox, or better yet, do a back flip (I don’t actually know how to do a back flip, but I’m willing to learn… one day… nah fuck it)…. So in the end you just never get your homework done, because your day passed by just like the butter melting on that fresh plate of pasta. All because of your damn procrastination!!!!!!

           

          Some of us believe that procrastination is a great way to get your mind off studying, and clear up some thinking space so that when you go back to studying you’re really into it… but you’re only into it for another 30 minutes then back to stroking the big dick of procrastination. And we all seem to have this “disease”, but who is to blame? (Don’t blame Jesus because that guy totally sacrificed his ass for you). Technology? The invention of internet, and all its applications makes everything so quick and easy (just like a blowjob from a hooker, other than the 80$ it costs you… don’t ask me how I know this) but just because everything is easy doesn’t mean we let it conquer us. We are slowly becoming a slave to the technology we own and control, how does that even make sense? I mean did you ever see a butler tell his master what to do? If Jeffrey (the butler) on the famous show “Fresh Prince of Bel-Air” would talk back to Philip Banks (the fat guy) you don’t think Uncle Phil would sit his fat ass on Jeffrey’s head and show him whose boss? Listen people I don’t want to end up in a situation like “I, Robot” and have Will Smith have to save us, I mean Will’s chill and all, but he’s an actor, if anything I’d rather have his stunt double, and maybe that guy could teach me how to do back flips at the same time.

We have to take charge of our time and do useful things that benefit us, there’s no time to be standing around doing nothing nowadays, we are in our prime, we are the Michael Jordan’s, the Sidney Crosby’s of (insert your talent here), so don’t sit around all day and think that your homework for becoming that amazing janitor (you never know) you want to be is going get done on its own, but instead believe in yourself and conquer a small island off the coast of Honolulu, name the island Destiny, and live there for the remainder of your days…

Moi, J'aime ca l'hockey

Sports to begin with are such an amazing thing. Personally I am a huge soccer fanatic, and love this time of year, we have all European teams ending their seasons, so the race gets more intense for that finish, and we have the champion league semi-finals up and coming. I also look forward to this time of year so much, because school is finally ending and once school ends, well that’s when I can sleep till 4pm, everyday… NAKED (that’s right, completely nude; all I wear is a handkerchief around my neck)

            But now the hype in Montreal isn’t around soccer, but around hockey, and I’ll be honest you fucking asshole (I’m sorry I’m really grumpy today) I’m not the biggest hockey fan there is. During the season I’m the type of fan who watches Sportscenter and then the next day speaks of the main highlights as if I actually watched the game #winning. BANDWAGONER, fuck that I have never in my life even seen a bandwagon, if you want to judge me and call me a racist slur you can call me, “a casual fan who occasionally watches games during the season, but really gets his groove on during the playoffs because he gets a chance to not shave for a month and not be made fun of” (OFAN for short, “occasional fan”) that’s all I’m willing to accept, cuz a bandwagonee isn’t really my cup of tea (I usually go for chamomile if you must know). And true hockey fans hate us OFAN’s because we just get into it during the playoffs, but no offence TRUE fans, but already I find it hard to remember that each morning and each night I have to brush my teeth, so fuck imagine how hard it is for me to keep track of hockey games. The only time I keep track is playoff time because come playoff time the vibe in Montreal is amazing!!!

            It’s beautiful to see the amount of pride we take in our home team, we almost consider it a religion, chanting hymn’s of praise of Carey Price, kneeling and sliding in praise of our Lord Stanley after scoring, and our administrators sexually assaulting little boys (Oh wait never mind that’s only Catholic priests)… The point is that we should be proud to have such a strong support over a sport, and maybe should encourage it! unless you’re a Boston fan, in that case you’re either gay, or really gay.

…If only we had the same with soccer L

Let's play the blame game...

Listen girls, I don’t like to play the blame game, and in most cases I usually just sit back from the neutral perspective and analyze it, but I’ll be honest, a lot of what I’m going to say may be offending, or very bias, but I apologize in advance…

NOT! No seriously, I got to give you the heads up from my perspective, now don’t think all guys think like this because it might tarnish your image of “all guys” (even though most of us do). First we’ll start off with the great topic friendship.

WIKIPEDIA defines friendship as: “Friendship is a form of interpersonal relationship generally considered to be closer than association, although there is a range of degrees of intimacy in both friendships and associations”. Now fuck what your teachers say I use Wikipedia, because 60% of the time it works every time (Anchorman, Brian Fantana, 2004). But the reason why I used that definition and not Webster is because I find this perfectly describes girls. Most of you take friendship for granted, you switch from one pack of girls to the next like a bunch of stray dogs (I don’t mean that literally you’re all beautiful) and in the end you never get to appreciate the beauty of friendship. Maybe there are guys out there who do the same, but there probably of other sexual preferences (gay, bi-sexual, etc.) and they probably haven’t read my blog. It’s sad to see friends talk behind each other’s backs; friends ignore each other because now “Catherine is going out with (Insert boy’s name) and I used to go out with him, so you know what I’m going to go have sex with her ex, JOSEPH CRIVELLO ;)” 

Look I’m not trying to tell you how to choose your friends, but instead I’m trying to tell you CHOOSE your friends, that is the beauty of it all, we have a choice…

There is a link between Girls and having good friendships, and the next topic (the dating scene), in order to lead a healthy life, one needs good friends, because if not then they’ll ejaculate all their emotions to strangers, and believe me, no guy wants to hear about deep emotions on the first or second date.

We now arrive to the dating scene, now I’d ask some of you where you learn how to play the game, and in a clever manner (referring to the title) you’d make reference to the song “Blame Game” by Kanye West, and say “YEEZY taught me” but if Yeezy actually taught you how to play the game, you’d understand that it’s NOT A FUCKING GAME. **Sorry guys, most of you are like “Shit this muthafucka trippin, I play the game, and I play it like a pro” (A stereotyped African American reader) Well I’m sorry guys, but you should probably take a tip and see that it isn’t a game.** So girls when a guy that you’re talking to is at the same club as you, and your chilling with your friends at the other end of the club to see if he “likes you enough” to come all the way there. Well that’s just fucked up. Or if you occasional give the guy hints that you’re going steady by randomly calling him to chill and you give him more proof by making out with him, and then all of a sudden you stop texting him without a reasonable excuse, Now that’s fucked up. Look I know guys do this too, but if they don’t have the balls to come up with a good enough excuse to back out then there just as bad as you.

In the end I must say to all you women in Montreal, thanks for being beautiful and keep up the good work this post was targeted towards the 51% of you.

Bibliography

1)   Adam McKay, 2004. Anchorman the Legend of Ron Burgundy. Excerpt of Brian Fantana (played by Paul Rudd) speaking to Ron Burgundy (played by Will Ferrell)

2)   Kanye West, 2010. My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy. Excerpt from song “Blame Game” in which Chris Rock has a conversation with an anonymous woman.

Get up, Stand up

Having just had a heated debate on political views and standpoints on this week’s debates, I felt that it was only appropriate to listen to some Bob Marley, John Lennon, and some Justin Bieber (A true activist of women rights to love him). But am I the stereotypical hippy? Long hair, scruffy beard, High, Lazy but has intention to save the world MAN! Well I asked myself that question and came to the conclusion that I am that hippy, and in honor of that I will vow to the laziness and end my blog here...


YOU FOOKING KIDDING ME BRO!!?!?!? What do you think I am!? No I actually choose to speak my voice, I am not the type to keep up to date with politics, but we got to start somewhere and the debate I had in class was very fulfilling with facts and info that I did not know (Apparently we should not be voting for Harper...bah me I dunno bro) And with the help of fellow students I got info on this great survey that I strongly urge you to take a look at which through answering questions determines which party you should vote for. It literally took me 15 minutes to do (That’s half a family guy episode - actually it’s like two thirds if you remove the commercials but whatever, fox has to get their cash money $$$$$) but within those 15 minutes through the help of Google I was able to read and fully understand such question like....

Should Canada increase its military presence in the Arctic?
Should Canada adopt a carbon tax?
Should possession of marijuana be a criminal offence?

I could easily talk about the situation of our military presence in the Arctic due to the fact that it’s a possible confrontation between Russia and Canada, but I choose to entertain my fellow readers and talk about the fun stuff (but check out links on the bottom for the arctic situation and others) ....
Legalization or at least Decriminalization of marijuana, it is such a beautiful topic. Now some of you stuck ups will probably say, "Oh my god this guy is such a fucking druggy, smoking his pot, aspiring big things, and going nowhere in life" Now I will admit on national blog-a-vision that I do smoke marijuana, but you must understand that I do it in moderation (casual weekend chilling) just like some of you casually go out on Saturday and drink yourself silly, I mean fucking silly, to the point that you naked in the trunk of a guys car named Ted, and next thing you know you wake up in a pile of horse manure, but even with that, you don’t hear me saying, "Oh my god this guy is such a fucking alcoholic, drinking his alcohol, aspiring NOTHING, and going nowhere in life)" So let's clear all the tension and get to the facts...

Marijuana is of course a substance, which when abused can lead to, lack of passion, a distant attitude, laziness, and memory problems. But negative effects can be a component of an addiction to anything,
- Video Games (Trust me I was number one in Canada in Fifa @sangeseven @jiacobo)
- Facebook (A women actually shook her baby to death after he cried while she played Farmville -TWISTEDDDD)
-worst addictions of all, CIGARETTES AND ALCOHOL...

Cigarettes cause 38% of all cancers (I will admit marijuana does have negative effects on the lungs, but nothing close to cigarettes.)
Alcohol is the number 1 factor for fatal car accidents and for domestic violence...

Now legalization is a stretch, that even I don’t approach, but decriminalization is where we should aim, a ticket for a ride down stoner's lane should be enough.

*******************************************************************************

Voting Compass - http://www.cbc.ca/news/politics/canadavotes2011/votecompass/
Article on Arctic - http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/story/2009/02/27/f-arctic-sovereignty.html (Check it out)
Inspiration for everyone check it - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6yD63qtjYgs

Blog all over my face

The thought of blogging always seemed so distant to me, i never considered myself a blogger, i mean what the fuck does it mean really? Am i blogging to speak to someone? Am i blogging because i have no friends and i feel like the only people that will understand me are on the internet at 4am and just finished watching porn on youjizz, youporn, xhamster, bangbros, brazzers.... you get the point...

Then it all hit me after going through a couple blogs from some friends of mine (check the bottom of the page for their blogs and their info) A blog is like a release of information that whether people like or not is fulfilling for the person who writes it. I mean personally I don't need your gratitude, your compliments, or anything really (even though compliments always get my dick hard), but I'm doing this for me, for my own release. Hence the title of my first post, I mean think about it, this is me releasing all over your face, first i enter through your eyes and then as i process into your brain I set off receptors that tell you to smile, or laugh, or even cry (im telling you i can be deep - especially under the influence of substances). So though you may not want to admit it guys, your all gay for reading this, i mean you just took a load onto your face (sorry). Enough with the sexual references, because God knows (is there really a god? - ill save that for another time) that as much as you, i too am getting too old for those gay jokes (other then when someone says "anal" like that teacher is so "anal"... i still find that funny).

I welcome you with open arms friends, and as we look into my mind we will find a man with some definite issues, but in my opinion not one person on this world is perfect to everyone so take me as i am my children...
I now leave you with a quote that i googled which was FOOKING (fucking- said through the mouth of a man with no teeth) solid...

A man who is "of sound mind" is one who keeps the inner madman under lock and key.  ~Paul Valéry

Blog y'all later


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http://514m.tl/ - Great blog on the best city - MONTREAL---- follow them on twitter (@5one4)
http://www.twocentspoker.com - Poker fanatics dont hesitate, just click on the link --- follow this blogger on twitter (@shkeen)